This page is about funny remarks or sayings that were made by Passengers, drivers or Link Operators.

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Recently, one one of the Islands computer taxi firms, a driver had had a now show job, i.e the passengers were not there. Because he he was now 4th off in a certain job zone, the link controller said to him, "i will put you on top in that area to get the next job", quick as a flash another driver called up and said " that's his usuall position".

One poor driver one evening picked up a well known nymphomaniac,that most drivers avoided like the plague. However he was a new driver and had never seen or heard of her before. She got into his cab and he made the silly mistake of saying to her, "how far do you want to go love" . Her dressed started creaping up her thighs, he sat there with his mouth open his face getting redder and redder as the dress crept up, and nearly had a heart attack when she said "as far as you want my sweetness, i bet you've got a biggun'.

Nearly every taxi driver will tell you that they always want a passenger to be like in the films and say " follow the car in front driver". Well the nearest i got to that was one summer evening some visitors got into my cab and said" we don't know where we are going so please follow that push cyclist."

A link operator at times would call up a driver and ask him his position, "ell shaped behind the steering wheel would come the reply".

When customers order taxies for straight away they will always ask after they have given their details, "how long will the cab be". A cheeky reply came back many times from link operators, " about 13 ft 6in madam". One evening i gave the same reply to a lady asking how long her cab would be, " i can't wait that long " she told me" i'll try somewhere else" and then slammed down the phone.................THERE IS ALWAYS ONE.

Some years ago whilst working on Bluebirds link one saturday evening along with the usuall person taking most of the phonecalls, we were having a very bad evening. The islands drunks and his wife were all out that night, it was full moon, and it seemed that every phone call we were taking was from complete idiots.

The chap on the phones everytime he answered the phone would say " good evening, Bluebird Taxies", then all of a sudden after he had had many drunks and idiots on the phone he was heard to say as he answered the phone "Good evening Pelican Cabs". "Well" he said to me"might just as well there are so many pillocks out there to night".

One day this lady came on the phone and said to this link operator, ~"good afternoon, is Joe on duty" , " sorry love he went off about half an hour ago to take his wife shopping" the link operator replied.
The woman on the phone then said, "well i'm his wife, and i am at Heathrow airport at the moment waiting to get on my flight back to Guernsey, so i suppose Joe is going to be sometime yet picking me up to go shopping while he drives across the Channel" then she slammed down the phone. "Get out of that one Joe" thought the link operator.

A link operator one evening sent a taxi to a dance to pick up two young girls. He said to the driver, she is a crippled girl, can you go in and fetch her, you cant miss her , she has two crutches.

A female driver was asked to fill in a link shift for one of the Islands Radio cab firms. She was struggling to cover work and had some urgent Airport work in St. Peter Port, the only car she had clear was one sat on the Airport taxirank, so she called up the driver and said " sorry Lloyd but i am going to have to pull you off, and send you into town.

A driver one day had a puncture, he had passengers in his car going to the Airport. So he called the link for another taxi to get his passengers so that they would not miss the plane.
After a short while, the broken down driver asked where the relief car was, " oh he is right behind you coming towards you was the reply.

On one of my all night shifts in the early minicab days, i was bringing down a young man from St.Martins to St.Peter Port about 3 a.m. in the morning. The link operator called me up and gave me another job when i was clear. Now the job was from a well known Gays flat at that time, my passenger i had in the car had not said much, and then when he heard my next job, said, " do you know that even the Seagulls fly upside down when they fly past that flat".

One very foggy night i had sent a driver with passengers right out into the country. I hadn't heard from him for a while so i called him up to see how he was getting on, " i am crawling around Torteval some where, do you know that the fog is so thick out here that even the Seagulls are walking on the footpath".

We had one regular passenger that we had nicknamed Nora Batty. It was one of those jobs that was from a house to pub and then return later in the evening , about 4 times a week.
So all the link chap had to say to the driver when the job was due, up to the Last Post, Nora Batty for home, and of course the driver knew who he was looking for etc.
However a new driver was given the job one night, and so bursting into the pub with great enthusiasm as new driver do, at the top of his voice he shouts, "CAB FOR NORA BATTY".

A few years after World War 11 , this North Eastern taxi driver chap was home this one evening. He was a man of few words, a typical English man of his time, head in a newspaper , whilst smoking his pipe.
This particular evening, he was buried as usuall in his newspaper, sat by the coal fire, and smoking his pipe, his wife was sat at the table darning his socks.
His daughter came into the room, quite upset, she said to her mum, " Mum, Mum i think i am in the family way". There was not a ripple of the newspaper from the father, he did not deter from the bit he was reading in his newspaper, but a large puff of smoke appeared from behind the newspaper, then he muttered a few chosen words " that's nought new lass, your in every blighters way".

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