This page first opened September 6th 1998
And last renewed on March 21st 1999

Guernsey's Third
Limerick Archive Page
the third 50 (101-150)

-If you can speak what you will never hear,
if you can write what you will never read, - you have done rare things.

THOREAU

Limerick #101
John Pickersgill - jpick@microtech.com.au

Strange Mr Hall ate his eggs shells 'an all,
Not feeling a little bit queasy.
They passed without fuss
Down his oesophagus,
But their exit was not quite so easy.
(Not strict rhyming pattern - but never mind).

Limerick #102
jeralah@worldnet.att.net

Most surgeons agree it is so,
Their masks are not really for show.
If there's a mistake,
They'll all get a break;
Who cut the wrong thing? we won't know!

Limerick #103
Jean Fox (jean.fox@cableol.co.uk)

If a tadpole turns into a frog
And a puppy grows into a dog
Wouldn't it be
A great thing to see
A splinter turn into a log!

Limerick #104
by
Ray E. Gessler

A bore asked in brief conversation
Did I accept reincarnation.
I said, "Yes! - You of course
Were the BACK of a horse
And your presence is pure confirmation".
Limerick #105
by
CYBERGEEZER

In Las Vegas a lady named Carol
Was arrested for wearing a barrel.
She'd not drawn the joker
While playing strip poker
And lost all her other apparel.

Limerick #106
by
Ogden Nash

There was a young fellow named Fonda
Who was squeezed by a great anaconda
Now he's only a smear
a part of him here
And the rest of him somewhere out yonder.

Limerick#107
by
BURGES JOHNSON

There was a young woman of Greenwich
Who had a great weakness for speenwich
When it slipped down her chin
She would lap it all in
Eenwitch by eenwitch by eenwitch
Limerick #108
by
Mrs Warren

A maiden at college named Breeze
Was weighed down by B.A.'s and Litt.D's
Alas! it was plain
From the strain on her brain
She was killing herself by degrees

Limerick #109
by
John Bream

Said the Duchess of Alba to Goya
'Paint some pictures to hang in my foya'
He painted her twice;
In the nude - to look nice
And once in her clothes to anoya.

Limerick#110
Peter Browning

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical
Limerick#112
M.E.Hare

Said a philosopher - suddenly- "Damn
I've just decided I am
An engine that moves
In predestinate grooves
I'm not even a bus but a tram".

Limerick #113
by
Richard Stilgoe

An ambitious young fellow called Grady
Wed a lovely young woman named Sadie
They both were delighted
When he was beknighted
And Sadie became Lady Grady.

Limerick #114
by
Woodrow Wilson

I sat next to the Duchess at tea;
It was just as I feared it would be:
Her rumblings abdominal
Were truly phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me!
Limerick #115
by
Mary Rita Hurley

An old Indian chief , Running B'ar
At making it rain was a star
Asked : 'How do you do it'
He said 'Nothing to it,
To make rain I just go wash my car'.



Limerick #116
Mike Jones

An unfortunate fellow from Tyne
Placed his head on a railway line
But he died of ennui
'Cause the 4.23
Arrived late- at 5.29

.

Limerick #117
Frank Richards

Said Freud "I've discovered the Id
Of all your repressions be rid
It won't ease the gravity
Of all your depravity
But you'll know why you did what you did.

Limerick #118
Tony Davie (ad@dcs.st-and.ac.uk)

"Dr Johnson, You smell, I do think,"
Said a lady who felt in the pink;
But the dictionary maker
A peg down did take her:
"Yes, madam, I smell, but you stink."

Limerick#119 (a,b & c)
Mike Pollack

Here in Brooklyn I just overhoid
the word bird mispronounced as woid boid
a po'm writ in voice
and to make matters woice
deres a street dey call East toity toid.

In Scotland they live in the tooon
and a circles not round it's arrrrooon
its not out - they go ooot
is a prizefight a boot ?
in the lifts are the buttons marked DOOON ?

And in England they're doing, their part
cockneys saying 'cor guv ave a nart'
instead of a wife
they've got troubles-and-strife
and an orse is wot's pulling a cart.

Limerick #120
Peter Mason

There was a young girl from Bayeaux,
Whose hemlines got hayeaux and hayeaux.
But the size of her thighs,
Provoked only surprise
And extinguished the flames of desayeaux.


Limerick #121
 Langford Reed

Said a foolish young welshman from Wales
'A smell of escaped gas prevails'
Then he searched with a light
And later that night
Was collected in several pails.

Limerick #122
Frank Richards

A Victorian gent said 'This dance
The can-can, which arrived here from France
Fills me with disgust-
It generates lust-
Go see it while you still have the chance.

Limerick #123
Frank Richards

Said a boastful young student from Hayes
As he entered the Hampton Court maze
"There ain't nothing in it
I won't be a minute"
He's been missing for forty one days

Limerick #124
Paul Griffin

I once owned a cat called Maria
Who sang like a Welsh Ladies choir
When out on the tiles
For miles and miles
She sounded like Handels Messiah


Limerick #125
Ogden Nash

An old Danish jester named Yorick
Drank a gallon of pure paregoric
'My jokes have been dull'
He said,'But my skull
Will one of these days be historic'.


Limerick #126
Stanley Sharpless

Said Orville to Wilbur 'Hold tight
We're going to make our first flight.
The ground we shall shift off
Hurrah we have lift off
It seems after all we are Wright'.


Limerick #127
by Morris Bishop

The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk, and obscene.


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